sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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