If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it because I queefed?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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