To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
