i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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