I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
