im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
