Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
