i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
