just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This house was built for laser tag.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
