why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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