You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
