4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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