can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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