just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
