you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
