I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
