Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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