i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
