its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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