The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
