Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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