whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you inspire me to be a worse person
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
