they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
