It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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