Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
