My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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