I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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