you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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