I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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