I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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