My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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