I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
