shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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