he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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