Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
