i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize