I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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