You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
