He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
