I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize