She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
