I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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