Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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