can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
