the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That's how pantless uber rides happen
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
