Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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