I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
