But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
