i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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