You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.