I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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