chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.