I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
