you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
