I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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