Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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