Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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