I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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