Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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