i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Who put my cat in the fridge?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
