I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
