he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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