Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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