I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
