I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
