Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
