How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
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