Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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