hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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