Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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