I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I stole a fireplace last night.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
