I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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