omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
