Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just blew my weed a kiss
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
