The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
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I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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