And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
