so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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