I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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