no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You made out with two different species that night
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
