Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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