So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My bed smells like the plague
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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