I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
All I want is dick and wine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
