god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
