So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
