i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she smelled like a LAN party
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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