I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
