I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
