i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
