If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
